Are You Invisible When You Reach 50?

Who else tries to limit themselves to 10 minutes max on the Daily Mail Online? And who else fails miserably, winding up goggly eyed, scrolling through stories about which Z-list celebs have just secured a £10,000,000,000,000 contract to be the Face of Flatulence or whatever new perfume/makeup/clothing line is hoping to be the next Kardashian inspired money making hit? I really hope I’m not alone here! Now, apart from the reality TV tripe, there is often a story or two that catches my eye, like the recent one by extremely talented novelist, Raffaella Barker, where she writes about feeling invisible at times and imparts the ways she has helped overcome that. So, my question to you is: Do you ever feel invisible?

I really enjoyed Rafaella’s article – you can read more clicking here, and can totally relate to her feeling like a ‘ghost ship’ in the wake of her beautiful 20 year old daughter who ‘sails forth on the tide of her youthful beauty’. Having two gorgeous girls myself, I’m well used to that experience. And, like Rafaella, I also feel a sense of pride and protectiveness as heads turn to look at them – they are so unaware of their youth.

Often though, I’m not worried about some of the times I feel invisible. For instance, I certainly don’t miss those workmen jeering:  ‘Ello darling, don’t be miserable, it might never happen!’ What woman over 13 years old hasn’t heard that old chestnut? Of course, you must be miserable – because you’re not gleaming at these buffoons with a mega watt smile and your shirt unbuttoned to the waist. *Insert eye roll emoji*

But being invisible when you want to be seen is another matter, and I don’t necessarily think it’s an age thing – it can also be a confidence thing. I know lovely people – men and women – who have such little self-esteem that they somehow don’t feel that they merit being seen, or being interacted with. This low self-esteem in turn makes them avoid any kind of eye contact or interaction and thus, they actually do wind up being ignored or overlooked. It’s a vicious circle.

And I think making ourselves invisible is something that we can all be guilty of sometimes – whether it’s intentional or not. We will avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable, take us out of our comfort zone – or when for some reason or other, we are just not up to putting on our ‘happy face.’ And, it’s okay to do that now and then, we all have those days.

But don’t let being invisible become the norm. Whether you feel it creeping up as you hit 50 or beyond or whether you’re 20, and you’re shy or it’s a confidence thing. It is so important to feel vital and deserving. I don’t meant cocky and brash, but rather confident and sassy!

Here are some tips on puffing up your presence…

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  • Don’t feel that you have to save your favourite clothes and shoes for special occasions – wear them today! Those Jimmy Choos might not cut it on the dog walk, granted, but don’t just keep them in their box to gaze at lovingly from time to time – wear them when you’re just popping to your local pub – or supermarket – why not?! You certainly won’t be invisible 🙂
  • Chuck away all those items in your wardrobe that don’t make you smile – even if they cost a lot, they’re not worth it – but you are!
  • Empty your makeup bag and throw away the remnants of years gone by (don’t pretend you haven’t got a nub of metallic pink lippie circa 1999, we all have!) Get thee to a Space NK and ask for some makeup tips and look online or in magazines at what’s current. If it feels too trend led for you, there are always ways you can adapt it.
  • Check out YouTube tutorials and follow the fabulous TheBeautyKnowItAll beauty journalist, Nadine Baggott for really do-able look good tips for us women of a certain age. You’ll pick up skincare, makeup and hair tricks and advice. I’m a big fan!
  • On the makeup note, can I just steer you over to the humongously successful Facebook group called Mrs Gloss & The Goss which was set up by makeup loving Julia Langton to encourage other beauty junkies to share makeup tips and skincare advice. Now with 80,000 members ranging in age from 13 to 91, if you’ve heard of a makeup brand and not sure it’ll be right for you, you can bet one of the members on this group can help! The group is so popular that big names in the beauty industry from top journalists, makeup artists and skincare gurus through to  social media influencers (it’s a whole new world out there!) pop by to leave their comments and supply us with helpful tips from the top. *Word of warning: you will want to try a lot of products mentioned and your wallet could suffer…I know mine did when I first joined the group!*
  • I mentioned in my last blog post about avoiding a midlife crisis that keeping your mind and brain active and learning new things is a really great way of staying interesting and young at heart. I love checking out a Ted Talk video now and then. Often I’ll watch one of these short videos on a subject I’m not particularly keen on (nuclear war, anybody?) But I always wind up finding out something fascinating.

  • Feeling in a slump can make the best of us prone to hiding away, so keep moving! I don’t meant you have to become a gym bunny – unless that’s what you want. Being active doesn’t have to come naturally but try to get in the habit. In fact, I consider myself the world’s number one procrastinator and shocked myself to discover I’d sat outside the gym for 40 minutes today, just scrolling through social media feeds on my phone – all because I was avoiding getting in there and actually working out. But I did it…eventually. And I feel 100 times better for it. It doesn’t have to be the gym – just a walk with your dog or running up and down the stairs with your headphones on, listening to some feel good tunes, will give you a boost.
  • For me, the main way of preventing that feeling of being invisible, is to meet up regularly with friends – or to make new friends. A night out or a giggle over lunch is one of my favourite things When you’re engrossed in good company and connect with others who are on your wave length, you feel part of something special with likeminded people – so who cares about those that might not see you for the lovely person you are – those that matter will.

Is there anything you do to counteract that invisibility cloak? I’d love to know.

 

 

vanity and me style

Mother of Teenagers

24 Comments

  1. It’s lovely to come across your blog and I so enjoyed this feature. I think we do have a period in our lives (usually around the menopause) that can cause us to question our lives/selves/identity, but thankfully for me it passed and I emerged stronger in both mind and image. Starting a blog helped me to find myself and gave me a real pleasure in sharing my joy for clothes and colour. Thanks for sharing all your tips and hopefully I’ll see you again soon!

    Anna x

    • Hi Anna

      Thank you so much for your comment and I’m really pleased you enjoyed it. I agree, that I think it’s approaching the menopause that definitely gives us pause for thought about the future. Emerging stronger is what we all should aim for and I hope that amongst us ‘mature’ bloggers, we can help elevate the spirits and lives of many women! Hope to keep in touch! Lisa xx

  2. Lazy Daisy Jones

    Fabulous post! I am enjoying the tips, I simply must get moving more.
    Best
    Ashley
    Ps your daughter is a stunner!

    • Hi Ashley – yes, get those trainers on! 😉 It really is the biggest help…Oh, and thank you for the kind compliment about Lily! Loving the link-up! xx

  3. I think you have said the best advise Lisa. Make yourself feel good! If you feel good and that you look good this is a huge confidence booster. No whimsical buying, reading tips from bloggers, seeing a stylist in a store for new ideas is good. This comes mostly free and with their help and knowledge and can really give a boost. Thank you so much for adding our badge btw and we need to meet for a coffee! xx

    • Hi Laurie! Thank you for dropping by and for your fab tips too! So glad you’ve got the link up – it’s going to be great and yes, coffee soon!! Lisa xx

  4. Pingback: Ashley And Laurie's Link Up - Vanity and Me

  5. Great read! I really enjoyed your thoughts on these ways to boost confidence. Needed this today #tweensteensbeyond

    • Hi Alisa, thank you for dropping by to my blog and I’m so glad you found it boosted your confidence – we all have those days don’t we?! Take care, Lisa xx #TweensTeensBeyond

  6. I started to feel this way when I had my first child 11 years ago, and I was only 30 but I suddenly felt for the first time, who would be interested in looking at me because I’m a mother. I had obviously labelled myself because I don’t think that was really the case, so inside my head I felt that a mother wasn’t worthy of being noticed. I got over that when I got my own life back a bit, but recently on holiday in Greece, we were surrounded by beautiful teens and young early 20-ish people, and I felt old. And I’m sure invisible to these kids. But then I had a chat with myself, OK you’re not the same age as these kids anymore, but you’re you and that’s wonderful and you’re at such a different stage in your life. Wouldn’t mind their skin though!! Great post #TweensTeensBeyond

    • Thank you so much for dropping by, so glad you liked my post. I agree that we all label ourselves to some extent at certain stages in our lives and we shouldn’t! As you say, ‘you are you’ and that’s just great. But, I do get what you mean, when you’re surrounded by gorgeous young adults and all you can do is wonder at their smooth, line-free skin and remember the days ours was the same! 🙂 #TweensTeensBeyond

  7. Thanks for joining us at #tweensteensbeyond this week Lisa. It’s great to have you. I can say with confidence that this one certainly won’t be invisible as I tick off my days as a 49 year old. What is it they say, that we become a bit beige? Nah! Never been my colour. But yes, to all the things you mention above – because we do all have our moments down the rabbit hole, after all – don’t we. And it’s all going on at the same time too! Yet, for every moment outside that gym stalling, there’s a little spark growing and ready for action. I giggled at the “cheer up love” comment. I mean miserable and beige ……………….

  8. Oh Lisa I hit 50 early this year and was determined that as with every other marvellous decade in my life I would approach it with vigour and be the best version of myself. Sometimes it is tough though. As you age bouncing back can be a slower process for sure. I love your advice. Being at home, it is easy to slip into anonymity and abandon looking good but it is so important. As Laurie says it makes you feel better and that is a good starting point to any day. I do love a slob day though! Two of my biggest pleasures amidst the menopausal midlife parenting madness is valuable time with my friends. As our teens grow and prepare to flee the nest, quality friendships are crucial and getting outside and doing a big walk or meeting for lunch and shopping makes my world a happier place for sure. Thanks for joining us. Hope we will see you more often. #TweensTeensBeyond

    • Hiya Jo – thanks for your lovely comment. Isn’t it great that we have other bloggers/friends we can bounce concerns and worries off? I am definitely due a ‘slob day’ soon! And by that, it’s going to include pizza, wine, trashy reality shows and best of all…no guilt! We can’t always be ‘up’ so why not celebrate and indulge without guilt the ‘slob’ days too! Looking forward to joining in more #TweensTeensBeyond xx

  9. You’ve inspired me to clear out my wardrobe and my make up bag! Both are in need of attention. Thank you. #TweenTeensBeyond

  10. Thank you for this great post Lisa, I loved every word. I slipped into a bit of a fog a year or so ago when I completely lost my way as my girls were growing up. I wish I had this post to read then as it would have helped so much with the combination of practical tips and inspiration. Instead I started my own blog! I truly feel that ladies of our age have so much to give and yet we are in danger of being completely ignored. Let’s start a revolution sister!! Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond

    • Oh thank you so much for your lovely comment. It is so easy to ‘get lost’ when our kids are becoming less dependent on us, isn’t it? – and I didn’t even know it was going to happen until it did. Nobody mentioned it to me and you’re right, that’s why we are so lucky to have others in the same boat, blogging and talking about it now. Viva us Empty Nesters…or nearly empty nesters! 😉 Here’s to #TweensTeensBeyond Lisa xx

  11. Good tips! And I’ve never even heard of any of those beauty pages etc and I really do need some help in that area! I too have started listening to TED talks, they’re great aren’t they! They arouse the mind in areas you would otherwise be dead in!! Invisibility is all in the mind – shoulders back, smile and get out there 🙂 #tweensteensbeyond

    • So glad you like the tips etc…thank you for dropping by to my blog! Agree that invisibility is all in the mind and I shall def heed you wise, confident boosting words! Lots of hugs, Lisa xx #tweensteensbeyond

  12. Oooo I have loved this. Read it and re read it. Boy what is it with us beings ….. I know, both hands in the air I’m very guilty of hiding, that is what I call it. Don’t think I’ve been in a midlife crisis as there has been so much of my previous life dealt to me in abundance of crap, huge battles of which today and then never held a grudge but then and now I would go into hiding.
    For me and many of us I have a multitude of personalities, mum, mummy, friend, manager, leader, fun, serious etc. , Today I’m even more fortunate as I not only have my great and wonderful husband, my beautiful boy’s. …. my friend’s BUT then I have my release of #Instagram #blogs #bloggers #YouTube.
    To me when feeling tied down, frustrated I begin to tidy and bin! I enjoy the tidy bit but often feel I want to cry and binning ….. even ghe oldest lipstick, or a nightie size 8!!!! Which years gone by hung svelte like or so I thought. I don’t like to shop feeling like this as it’s been learnt by myself to be very costly!
    If in doubt, leave and walk away!!!!
    Exercise. …. not important as it used to be and I gave no guilt , so I say as I’m approaching 60, don’t be ashamed or feel guilty about not managing the gym, housework for me gives me a great work put. When I have binned my beautiful designer wear size 4/6 I think of the pleasure it will give someone else, or bloody jealously! Think of the pleasure u had from it, especially when u bought it.
    Great joy’s of life ……. However I still like to socialise, party, wine and dine, family, friends and travel but I still feel I have my moments of hiding. Wrapping myself in my duvet, not going to do the grocery shop or cancelling the hairdresser. Perhaps it is because we are beings and we are off many moods.

    • Hi Kas

      Thank you so much for dropping by to my blog and commenting and I loved your take on using your housework as a form of exercise and also decluttering the mind as you clear out your not wanted bits and pieces! I need some of your ‘housework inspo’ cos I’m a lazy cow around the house! 🙂 Lovely to read your thoughts! Take care. xxx

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