I love using my blog to showcase the latest and greatest treatments that can help us look good, the hard-working and effective makeup and skincare, the exciting beauty finds that might not cost the earth (or might!) yet are so worth buying because they’re fab. But even more than the exterior beauty, I like to discuss the inner beauty and what makes me feel great. Because it’s not just about me – it’s about you. I write my blog because I want you to feel great too. I know we are quite similar – that is, we are if you’re a 40 plus woman who spends a lot of time wondering if, as you age, you’re still relevant; wondering if you’re making the most out of life and whether you’re doing all that you can to help yourself feel great and live your best life.
And, if you’re like me, I also know that sometimes you’ll compare yourself negatively to others and you might be feeling that perhaps you’re not quite good enough. You totally are good enough, but that won’t stop you from sometimes thinking that maybe you’re not.
For example, lately, I’ve been wondering: Am I enough? Doing enough? Should I be aiming for a lifestyle and looks that (I know if I’m honest) have been filtered to f**k on social media? In my rational times, I shout a loud “NO!” Of course I shouldn’t. But boy, during those times when I’m feeling less than sassy, I often feel I should be doing – or looking – better. And I don’t like myself for feeling like it and that, in itself, makes me feel worse!
But I do realise that insecurity happens. It happens to us all – young or old – rich or poor – size 8 or size 20 – black or white. The best thing we can do when it strikes is to stop and think clearly. We need know that an attack of insecurity is normal and it happens to us all.
If a sensible-ish 49 year old mum like me, with a husband, three grown up kids, a mortgage, a dog and my own business can sometimes scroll through social media and feel as if I’m missing out, or not good enough, what about those teenagers and young adults who are still finding their way in the world? It must feel like there’s no escape from the 24/7 onslaught of perfect images, perfect lives – places they should be seen at, people they should be hanging around with. How do they escape from the constant drip-feed of confidence sapping posts on social media?
A quote by daughter of ‘the Hoff’, Hayley Hasselhoff, in a recent interview with journalist, Liz Jones for YOU magazine made me rip out the feature and shove it under my Teen’s nose. As a beautiful, talented ‘plus-sized’ model/actress and fashion designer, Liz asked Hayley whether she felt social media encourages young girls to worry about how they look and she responded:
“I’m hardly on social media. I would encourage girls to be present with who they are with, don’t spend that time on the phone.”
Exactly! That simple sentence really resonated with me. I honestly believe that the secret to balance and a healthy, positive mindset is to encourage our girls (and boys) to live as much as they can in the present, IRL (in real life) and not on their phones 24/7.
When I asked My Teen whether she ever feels a bit envious or insecure because of those perfect instagram and snapchat shots, she said “of course I do, mum” and when I asked her what she does about it, she said: “I get a grip”. I’m glad she’s level-headed enough not to get swallowed up with feeling envious about others online looks and lives that are, after all, just a mirage and not real.
So, taking a leaf out of The Teen’s solution to insecurity, here are the ways I ‘get a grip’ and I’m sure they’d work for you too…
- Go and have a face to face chat with a RL (real-life not online) friend or someone that you know could do with a bit of company. Take an interest in what they are saying and what they have going on in their life and offer advice and solutions if they need it – or just be there to listen and have a gossip and a laugh about life. It may not always seem like it, but there is a lot to laugh about!
- Take a walk in the park and breathe deeply, taking in the beautiful surroundings. This never fails to make me calmer and more in touch with the reality of life and what really matters.
- Check out a local meditation class or download one to listen to and spend as much time as you can being still and quiet. I recently attended an amazing sunset meditation by Kaja Wunder from Ecolife at the Shard. The event was hosted by Serene Social who are in the process of creating a digital wellness platform called SereneBook. The meditation and the setting was the perfect antidote to my buzzy brain that finds it hard to switch off and calm down! Ecolife have some lovely, easy to follow meditation downloads, perfect for beginners. Check them out here.
- If meditation isn’t for you, then a workout at the gym or a D.I.Y exercise session – aka dance around the room while you’re doing the housework – is another great way to lift the spirits and clear your mind. The rush of feel-good endorphins around your body, accompanied by tunes that you can’t resist jiggling too (Justine Timberlake 🙂 ) will definitely help perk your mood and get you in the here and now!
- Write it all down. Pour out your thoughts and feelings in a diary (or journal as they call it nowadays). It will help put your thoughts into perspective and get a clearer picture of why you might be feeling the way you are so you can deal with them with more understanding. I used to do this when I was a teenager and now I love looking back at those pages filled with the angst, excitement and funny goings-on in the head of an 18-year-old girl’s mind. I even used to outline the little tears that dropped on the page with a pink felt-tip! Like a cross between Adrian Mole and Bridget Jones I guess. 😱😊
I’d love to know what helps you deal with mind wobbles and insecurity – drop me a comment or tweet me your tips. It would be great to share them!